i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
