We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Houston, we have a blender
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
