Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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