I think I am morally bankrupt
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
