I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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