You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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