Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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