you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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