The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
