Will you blow on my dice?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
