i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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