Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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