You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
