Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
