Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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