he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
