im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
