It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
