My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You dont lie about slip and slides
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
