Im at strip club and am horny
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
