I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
