She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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