It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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