Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
