I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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