You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
