With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
