just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
