her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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