Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
