K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
