Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Dick very happy bro
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
