I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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