I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
