I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
