Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
