Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
