Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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