Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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