the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
accomplished twins. life is a go
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
