dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
