I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
