Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
