After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
you never un-have a 4some
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
