There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
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