how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
