I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
