when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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