just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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