$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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