I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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